It’s not comedy:
Last Saturday: Toddler wakes up with pink eye. No worries; we use hand sanitizer liberally and keep the baby away from her as much as possible.
Last Saturday night: Toddler begins running a fever. Tylenol is administered. Not worried.
Last Sunday: I begin running a fever. Toddler continues to run fever. Husband is wary, but the baby is safe.
Monday: I continue running a fever. Toddler is running a fever, but the pink eye is gone. Husband is not, but he is in man cold mode. At least the baby is safe.
Tuesday: I stop running a fever. Husband begins running a fever. Toddler continues to run a fever, so we take her to the doctor. It’s only a virus. We are sent home. The baby is safe.
Wednesday: Husband continues running a fever. Toddler continues to run a fever. The baby continues to be okay. I am not running a fever anymore.
Thursday: The toddler continues to run a fever, has lost weight, color, looks and acts miserable. I don’t feel right about this so we take her into urgent care and she comes back with a diagnosis of pneumonia. She comes back with pink medicine.
Friday: I wake up with horrible pain in my left ear. I take myself to the doctor. They diagnose an ear and sinus infection. I come home with pink medicine. Husband continues to run fever. Goes to doctor and returns with pink medicine. The baby starts hacking and coughing and gagging, so we take her to the doctor. She is okay, so we are sent home.
Saturday: When the husband blows his nose, sometimes he gets a nosebleed. The baby finally cracks and starts running a fever, projectile vomits her milk. We take her to urgent care because she is only 2 months old, but her lungs and ears are still okay. At night, the husband, baby, and toddler run a fever. I begin feeling itchy all over.
Sunday: I wake up with pink eye! The husband starts running a fever again. My ear infection makes it to my right ear. The baby runs a fever again in the evening. I continue to feel itchy all over. I find out I am allergic to amoxicilin.
We forget that it is already Sunday. The house is a chorus of hacking, gagging, sneezing, and crying. We burst into crazed laughter, which turns into coughing.